secret of a successful relationship
The Secret to a Successful Relationship
By Ismail kolawole


Imagine you are born into a small community in which everyone knows each other. Your parents are valued in the community and are well supported. As a baby and young child, you are often held, carried, or wrapped against your mother or father, and they are very responsive to your cries for connection or comfort. What’s more, your extended family is directly involved in raising you. In fact, all of the adults in your community keep an eye on you and help care for you.
As you grow, you learn the rituals, customs, and mythology of your people, and you develop a deep connection to the land. Most of your time is spent outdoors playing with children of all ages. When the elders decide that you are ready, they take you through a rite of passage that allows you to leave childhood behind and step fully into adulthood. Through their guidance in your life and through the integration of your right of passage, the elders help you discover and understand your purpose–your unique gift to contribute to the community. Being acknowledged for the gift you have to contribute gives you a strong self-esteem. A mentor takes you on and guides you in mastering your purpose and in developing a healthy humility.
Of course, there is conflict in your community, but everyone knows and trusts the conflict process that the community uses. And the hardships of life, such as disease and drought, are well known by your clan. Nonetheless, there is a strength and resilience in each of you that is fed directly by the interdependent connection you share.
People expect a relationship to meet the needs that are meant to be fulfilled by a community.
And now, as an initiated adult with a deep sense of belonging and a profound sense of purpose, you are ready for a relationship. Yet again, the elders and the community are there to guide, support, and celebrate you and your lover. A successful, healthy relationshipawaits you because your love for your mate is balanced by your passion for your purpose and your bond with your community.
What is the cost for those of us not born into such a community?
By Ismail kolawole


Imagine you are born into a small community in which everyone knows each other. Your parents are valued in the community and are well supported. As a baby and young child, you are often held, carried, or wrapped against your mother or father, and they are very responsive to your cries for connection or comfort. What’s more, your extended family is directly involved in raising you. In fact, all of the adults in your community keep an eye on you and help care for you.
As you grow, you learn the rituals, customs, and mythology of your people, and you develop a deep connection to the land. Most of your time is spent outdoors playing with children of all ages. When the elders decide that you are ready, they take you through a rite of passage that allows you to leave childhood behind and step fully into adulthood. Through their guidance in your life and through the integration of your right of passage, the elders help you discover and understand your purpose–your unique gift to contribute to the community. Being acknowledged for the gift you have to contribute gives you a strong self-esteem. A mentor takes you on and guides you in mastering your purpose and in developing a healthy humility.
Of course, there is conflict in your community, but everyone knows and trusts the conflict process that the community uses. And the hardships of life, such as disease and drought, are well known by your clan. Nonetheless, there is a strength and resilience in each of you that is fed directly by the interdependent connection you share.
People expect a relationship to meet the needs that are meant to be fulfilled by a community.
And now, as an initiated adult with a deep sense of belonging and a profound sense of purpose, you are ready for a relationship. Yet again, the elders and the community are there to guide, support, and celebrate you and your lover. A successful, healthy relationshipawaits you because your love for your mate is balanced by your passion for your purpose and your bond with your community.
What is the cost for those of us not born into such a community?
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